Film, 2010

You’ve already seen Predators. Even if you haven’t seen Predators yet, you’ve already seen it. Even if you haven’t seen the original Predator, you’ve already seen Predators. You know what color it’s going to be, green. You know what type of characters are going to be in it, tough guys. You know they’re slowly going to die out one by one until only the protagonist and his love interest remain. I bet that thing that isn’t moving is only playing possum, it’ll jump up and scare everyone soon. And it does. There’s only one woman in it, so you know there’s going to be some tension tension between her and the lead male. And there is. Oop, here comes a mysterious new character, I wonder if someone is going to say “Who are you?” And they do. The Asian guy doesn’t have a katana at the beginning, but don’t worry. He gets one. (And, with wind reed musical accompaniment, has a sick sword duel with a Predator in tall grass!) What makes Predators’ complete lack of originality even harder to swallow is the fact that it’s a Predator movie. It’s a sequel to a franchise that has been dormant for twenty years, and this just feels like fan-fiction. I’m sure it’s comforting (to the studio’s accountants) to just give the people what they think they want, but you really have to update something like this. Make it, you know, better? Because I’ve never even seen a Predator movie (true story) and I feel like this is my second helping of the same dinner two days in a row. 2

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